Aaron...R.I.P.

Death walked by my house today. I waved when he passed; he said he couldn’t stop and chat. I watched as he approached the doorstep of my childhood all the while pondering what he could be doing there. Then I watched as a carefree boy from my past answered the door as a grim young man who couldn’t take it anymore. I watched as they passed death and the boy hand in hand. I waved but he didn’t look back nor lift his hand in response. I watched as our vibrant past together fluttered by my eyes. I wanted to cry for the boy from my past, but found my eyes dry and unwilling. I look back over to the doorstep and there stands the boy’s brother watching as I was as death and the boy walk out of sight. He looks like he may follow just bolt right off the porch and into the awaiting arms of death. I wonder if he too will be sick of it all. Will I watch this boy turn into a grim faced young man? Someday will I watch again as he walks hand in hand with death towards the end? I try to see the boy and death walking hand in hand but I can’t they’ve already made it over  the horizon. I flicker back to the porch of my childhood only to find it bare. I walk into the street and try again to catch a glimpse but I see nothing. There is no sign that death was ever here or the grim faced boy he took with him… Death walked by my house today, you’ll never guess who was with him. 

lost

It’s so easy for me to disappear 
Like a whisper in the wind
If I’m not herd
I cannot be seen
Like a memoy long past
I am lost
Can you hear me?
I’m shouting
I’m shouting
Can you see me?

Blood Prayers

She prayed everyday
For the angels to take her

She would pay them in blood
Drop by drop to be taken

But the angels did not come
No one took her away

More blood she thought they wanted
So more she let spill

Still no angels answered her prayers
No one answered her calls

More and more blood she gave
Until she was left empty
Her eyes would shine no more

But it was not angels who came for her
But the devil you see
Seems he was the only one listening

life of a fiend

My feet can’t touch the floor.
Are you sure there’s a ceiling?
Man I can’t find my hands.
Are You Sure I’m still breathing?
Man I just wanna dance.
Don’t you feel that mad beat?
Too bad I can’t cause I ain’t got no feet.
I cant’ close my eyes.
Think my eyelids are missing.
Do you know which way is up?
Think my head is spinning.
This is one great ride.
Sure you don’t wanna trip?
Feel like I’m flying.
Are we still on the ground?
Woo feel like I’m drowning.
Are you sure I’m still breathing?
Your right I’m not…

She

All the things you see in me I strongly disagree. Maybe you’re under the belief of a different me. For surely the girl standing in front of you is not she. Just me damaged and cracked never to be wanted back. It is my heart that you have stolen my love I give up willingly. Not this other girl the only one you seem to see. When you realize its only me and not she you have given your affections will you pull back in detest, and watch me cradle my broken heart to my chest. Or is it I who will awaken to find that she is really me and I was looking in a broken mirror? I surely hope it is I who saw things backwards so I can feel worthy of holding your heart, as I believe she does.

I Miss You

I miss you

Can you hear me

Crying out for you?

Sometimes I swear

I’m screaming

But it seems you can’t hear me

Oblivious you remain

 

I’m reaching for you

Can’t you see my outstretched hand?

But you do not grasp it

My palm stays empty

 

They say I’m no good for you

Damaged goods

So they keep you from reach

I can’t get through to you

 

Maybe they’re right

And I’m not enough

But I’ll still love you

I’m crying out for you

Can you hear it?

 

on my sleeve

I’d wear my heart out on my sleeve

If I wasn’t so afraid

Of who might come and snatch it up

So I hold it close to my chest

In a feeble attempt to keep it from breaking

 

I didn’t mean to wear my heart out on my sleeve

Now I see you’ve taken it from me

Though I couldn’t take it back

I just ask that you keep it all intact

 

 I wore my heart out on my sleeve

Watched as you stole it right from under me

I asked you not to break it,

But I see now an easy request it was not

Don’t worry I can pick up the pieces my self

 

I can’t wear my heart out on my sleeve

For all the pieces would fall to the ground

And I cant find it in myself to pick them up again

Footsteps by, ashley waldorf

She said she's drowning

And she doesn't care

Cause life is just a little too fast for her

footsteps

for her footsteps

So she lies arms out in the tide

lets the waves pick her up take her out for a ride

and she don't give a damn where it takes her cause she's alright

Alright with the thought of drowning

It's a feeling that beats out the numbness

of the lonley nights

She thinks she's ugly

and she might be right

Ugly on the inside, how could you feel this way?

Right in front of me?

She says she's pathetic

holding on too tight

to a lie that's just a little too fast for her

footsteps

for her footsteps

p.s. One of my very close friends wrote this about me. it's very acurate

No One

No one feels how i feel
Yes so you say
No one knows what i know
Only secrets you decide to keep
No one looks at it my way
It's because you don't see clearly
No one really sees me
With darkness you surround yourself
No one sees my pain
Because you keep it locked away
No one knows my tears
But Tears you do not shed
None can pull me from my hell
Yet you reach for no hand
No one tries to get in
It's only you who keeps them out
No one loves like I love
For you do not love at all

Dine (janus piece)

I drink out of the sharp edged cup of truth.
Eat my reality off the dirty plate unwashed for days.
I tried to sip the juice of the unaware but found it bitter.
I tried to eat off the clean plate of ignorance,
But the food there was tasteless.
I use the tainted utensils of the corrupted.
Trying to use the fine cutlery of the innocent
I find a foul metallic after taste burning my throat.
I feast with those aged by unpleasant history,
broken by a harsh past.
Attempting to dine with the pure,
only to find myself unwelcome amongst them.

Ashes

I wrote this for holocaust class so like think of a kid at a camp okies then you might get it.

Ashes

It falls from the sky
Like thick black snow
It covers everything
Caught on my lashes

But I do not shout for joy
For there is none here
Instead I stand silent
Mourning the dead which
Of whom fall from the sky

It falls ever silent
Like a nice winters snow
But it does not gleam brilliantly
Only black smudges show

These ashes now
The only proof
Of the people that came before me

The wind blows
The ashes settle
Never again
There caught on my lashes

just saying "HI!!"

hey to anyone and everyone who reads this!! I'm starting a new blog after forgetting all my old login shit. if you wanna check the old one out be my guest mjrh1408.blogspot.com. i moved some pieces over but not alot. anyway i hope to be writing new shit soon I'll keep you "posted" LOL...well i thought it was funny.

Rant

Things are never as you need them to be. No one to pay attention caught inside this dimension."It's not fair" you scream, but there's no one to hear. People let you down the don't care. People let you go they never show you what they mean. You were once built up only to be knocked down. How can you expect anything from these clowns!? Cowards hide in corner can't take the stress. Feels like someone is tearing your flesh. There blind most of the time what they see are lies. No one knows what lies beyond. No one can see what's inside of me. We are torn between ourselves we can't seem to breath no reason to just be. All walk around with their smiling masks to conceal the crying man. The past locked behind a door that none dare open. We fall apart at night wishing for the time back a way to make things right. We can't show are broken selves are insecurities are too high most scream in desperation. But tucked away they hide. Behind a door all is hidden and its crying to get out.

Ashamed

Ashamed
I'm always ashamed
to be who I think I am
I try to hide it
force myself to deny it
cause no one wants me
at least who I really am
to most just an obligation
to others a convenience
to some I'm even a project
always changing
no time to figure me out
ashamed to be
ashamed to want to be heard
is it ok to hurt?
I try to shut it off
and most days I succeed
so I'm not real
but they don't care
they can't even realize
I'm really just a shadow
shifting, changing
ashamed to be real
ashamed to just feel
but who cares I'm not even here

Today

Nothing. Empty.
I have nothing to say today,
so I will be silent.
I have nothing to share today,
so I will attempt nothing.
I have nothing to show for today,
so I'll remain seated.
I feel nothing inside today,
I am defeated.
Empty today nothing to fill it,
so I'll stay deflated.
No one to call today,
so the phone is not needed.
No need to cry today,
so I shove back the tears.
No reason to be today,
so I'll look again tomorrow.
No reasin to stay today,
so excuse me while I walk away.
Nothing to give today,
so there will be no accepting.
Can't find the strength to lie today,
so I will not attend.
I have nothing to contribute today,
so I must be endebted.
There is no reason to sing today,
so I will sit and listen.
There is no need for me today,
I have been defeated...

Rushing swirls

All the world swirls. Swirling pieces I try to hold on but I can't find my grasp. Forever ago was never really forever ago. Detached untouched too left alone. Why can't I get my grasp? Too dizzy so dizzy makes me wanna laugh. But I'm done with this ride I'm through with this game. Stop please I can't go again I'm spent just set me free. All the things I despise collide inside myself I cant stand this skin any longer. Regrets, regrets my whole is a regret. One stupid choice after another. Trust your heart to make decisions, what a foolish idea. Because of it I am left broken, sitting here alone. Fool, fools everyone here is a worthless fool. They laugh at what they aren't even sure anymore. Silly little puppets rushing around with dopey smiles. Why get wrapped up in all this hopelessness, no one really lives. At least a life worth living. Silly things rushing back and forth for a purpose they can't even remember. I shudder to think that I have come from that. How can I be the only one with open eyes. The world is truly gone if I only have the sight. All the world swirls, swirling into worthless oblivion and I lose my grasp…

Graduation

though the days grow warmer
my heart grows colder
even though i would die
before I'd admit it
I'll miss you guys
the time did fly
wasted ..s and stupid chicks
we missed out on each other
and now it's too late
father time did pass us by
so I'll stand next to you
and we can both cry
for the unshared memories
we should both carry
and as the music goes on playing our song
we'll glance at each other
and I'll give you a smirk
then I'll swear I saw you return the gesture
that will start the tears again
cause I'll know it's really through
as our feet start to move
walking away from our past
so into our unsure future
we move on quaking feet
too soon we find our seats
and the story of our pasts are told
and my heart will ache
at the lack of your presence there
no time to cry, when our future is now
and separate ways we must go
we've truly grown up in these past minutes
and now i can appreciate you more
the walk begins again
hope I'll see you at the end
come it's time to go
don't you hear them playing our song