Purchase

I'm looking for purchase on sunken earth

searching for something to hold on to

reaching for something tangible

But my feet just can't catch hold

and my hands keep coming up empty

what I need always just out of reach

So I stumble and fall

clench my fists to my side

pull my reach back in defeat

I'm looking for purchase on sunken earth

and I find myself falling forward...

cagged bird

heart hammering

like that of a frightened bird

banging against it's cage

until it's heart explodes

panic grips me

squeezing me tight

can't breathe

gotta escape from here

have to flee

leaving behind my dignity

heart still racing

running and running

and just like the bird

my heart explodes...

You

You are what makes these eyes sparkle

lighting up when just the thought of you appears

whithout you they shine hollow and empty

You are what makes this voice rise

rolling out of me like crashing waves

without you it cracks and strains

you are what makes my mouth smile

lifting at the corners with every joke you share

without you it curls falsely without meaning

you are what makes this heart beat

thumping out your name with every pump of blood

without you it shrivels and dies...

You are what makes these eyes sparkle

Bleach

I taste bleach under my finger nails

the taste of it bitter in my mouth

the grime from the scrubbing

finally washed from them

brittle nails bent and broken

from the cleaning of the filth

filled with the mess

that I scrapped from here

So I cut them short

uneven and rough

smoothed down by the scrubbing

still tasting of bleach

making me wonder idly

how much i'd have to drink to die

I taste bleach under my fingernails

missing you

my soul is crying

my heart is racing

my palms are sweating

missing you

is the hardest thing

I've ever been through

my feet are racing

my mind is reeling

my chest is pounding

counting the hours

days, months

till I see your face again

my heart is aching

my eyes cry dry

my soul reaches out for yours

I need you

hold me close

and don't let go

Purpose?

my life has no meaning.

I'm scrambling around for a purpose,

and coming up short.

what's the point of moving forward?

looking back on the past,

because I can't face my future.

trying to rationalize taking up space on this planet,

but I can't find a excuse.

what am I supposed to do?

who am I supposed to be?

Ask me who I am today.

I'll answer no one...

sickeningly lonely

It's sick how much I miss you

my insides twisting

Hands shaking

and there's no one here to calm me

you're not here to calm me

I wish i'd been enough for you

and for myself

I miss you so much

Loath these lonely nights

hate this bitter person I've become

I'm sick with loneliness

and there's no cure