Frost

the seasons change

and the frost drifts away

I shiver though it has nothing to do with the cold

I wish the frost was still near

but I can feel the chill settling in

heavy on my heart

and achingly present all around me

I wish for the lighthearted frost

to be near me once more

but the frost is gone

and the chill settles over me

Unsure

Not really sure what's going on anymore.

Tired of games and pretenses.

I'm done playing, no more tricks.

It's just me now and thats ok.

I'm lonely but not as lonely as i was,

when I thought I had everything.

I deserve it all too spoiled to share.

I'll be strong and soldier on.

Though often I wish you were near.

I'll deal and learn to feel.

Maybe one day you'll let me be my spoiled self.

So I'm fine better then I was,

though a little worse for ware.

I can make it if I must.

because I deserve it all.

And fully willing to wait for who ever it may be.

FML

alone

I'm cold and lonely

with only myself to blame

my heart aches

and i push it down

my dreams stir it around

and i knock it down

I'm empty, hollow

not sure I care anymore

i'm broken and damaged

not sure it matters anymore

I'm smiling on the outside

but burning within

no one notices

no one's let in

I'm alone

though i suppose

you wouldn't know

Go

I know you have to go

But I’m not ready yet

Just let me hold on a bit longer

I don’t mind if you lie

I suspect it half the time

Tell me it will be ok

That this will last

Tell me I’ll never be alone

The lonely nights are through

That you’ll be there

And you’ll always care

Don’t let me go yet

I’m still too weak

To fight off the darkness

Just lie to me for a little while

Wait for the darkness to lift

Just don’t let me go

I’m not ready yet

Nights

I spend my nights wishing for your warmth. Reaching out in my sleep for a figure that isn’t there. Disappointing dreams brought on by your scent that still lingers here. Lonely nights spent convincing myself you still care. Fighting hard not to lose myself to despair but losing more often then not. I feel like you’re running from me and I’m to slow to catch to you. Always right in front of me but just out of reach. I spend my nights alone pretending I’m not bothered by it. Sleepless hours brought on by your very palpable absence.  Racked with self-pity I try to shut down and lock everything out. There can be no pain when there’s nothing inside left to feel it. I spend my night’s cold and alone thinking of you.

Bleeding

I’m bleeding right in front of you      

Can’t you see me?

I want to cry out to you

But my voice gets caught in my throat

I feel like you’re slipping through my fingers

Are you still there?

I want to knock down these walls

But can’t find the strength to

I’m trying not to shut down

Is it already to late?

I’m dying inside caught up in myself

Are you still there waiting for me?

I’m afraid I can’t get up on my own

Yet more terrified to reach for your hand

Only to find it denied to me

I’m bleeding right in front of you

Dying without a cause

Can you see me?