Inside out

I'm burning from the inside out

screaming inside these walls

falling apart with nothing to hold me together

The fire consumes me and no one sees the flames

The shouting fills my ears but no others hear me

I try carefully to pick up the pieces

only to drop them and watch as they shatter further

The smoke fills my senses, but i've grown numb to this

My throat holds no more screams, even my voice has shattered

Pieces of my self slip through my fingers, I no longer care to hold on

Drive Faster

And as you cry all i can do is drive faster

press the petal to the floor

as your tears fall faster

flying into the night

your heartbreaking anguish

pushes us ever faster

I speed down the street

as you sit unblinkingly silent

the quiet even louder then your screams

And as you sit there and cry

I die a little inside

watching you break into pieces

All I can do is drive faster...

Purchase

I'm looking for purchase on sunken earth

searching for something to hold on to

reaching for something tangible

But my feet just can't catch hold

and my hands keep coming up empty

what I need always just out of reach

So I stumble and fall

clench my fists to my side

pull my reach back in defeat

I'm looking for purchase on sunken earth

and I find myself falling forward...

cagged bird

heart hammering

like that of a frightened bird

banging against it's cage

until it's heart explodes

panic grips me

squeezing me tight

can't breathe

gotta escape from here

have to flee

leaving behind my dignity

heart still racing

running and running

and just like the bird

my heart explodes...

You

You are what makes these eyes sparkle

lighting up when just the thought of you appears

whithout you they shine hollow and empty

You are what makes this voice rise

rolling out of me like crashing waves

without you it cracks and strains

you are what makes my mouth smile

lifting at the corners with every joke you share

without you it curls falsely without meaning

you are what makes this heart beat

thumping out your name with every pump of blood

without you it shrivels and dies...

You are what makes these eyes sparkle

Bleach

I taste bleach under my finger nails

the taste of it bitter in my mouth

the grime from the scrubbing

finally washed from them

brittle nails bent and broken

from the cleaning of the filth

filled with the mess

that I scrapped from here

So I cut them short

uneven and rough

smoothed down by the scrubbing

still tasting of bleach

making me wonder idly

how much i'd have to drink to die

I taste bleach under my fingernails

missing you

my soul is crying

my heart is racing

my palms are sweating

missing you

is the hardest thing

I've ever been through

my feet are racing

my mind is reeling

my chest is pounding

counting the hours

days, months

till I see your face again

my heart is aching

my eyes cry dry

my soul reaches out for yours

I need you

hold me close

and don't let go

Purpose?

my life has no meaning.

I'm scrambling around for a purpose,

and coming up short.

what's the point of moving forward?

looking back on the past,

because I can't face my future.

trying to rationalize taking up space on this planet,

but I can't find a excuse.

what am I supposed to do?

who am I supposed to be?

Ask me who I am today.

I'll answer no one...

sickeningly lonely

It's sick how much I miss you

my insides twisting

Hands shaking

and there's no one here to calm me

you're not here to calm me

I wish i'd been enough for you

and for myself

I miss you so much

Loath these lonely nights

hate this bitter person I've become

I'm sick with loneliness

and there's no cure

wishing

I wish for the past,

but press hard into the future.

I'm dying for a life,

even now i know wouldn't work.

I'm rushing a future,

that I'm not sure of.

who am I?

no one has the answer,

and I've stopped answering my calls...

Smiles

These words are who i am

The smiles are what they believe

When pen meets paper I am alive

My eyes shine hollow no one sees

I live in-between the lines of my writing

My empty laughter fills the air

Only here am I real

What you see is not real

My smiles what they choose to believe

Too Great

I give, I retreat

everything here is too great for me

I stand in the shadows of giants

they tower over me

I am weak and feeble

too faint hearted for this place

I lack that special something

easily knocked from grace

I tumble down to darkness

where now i must hide

and all those silly giants

stomp on my pride

for I am too weak

too small

too frail

and too feeble

to be amougnst these giants

so great are they

and I've nothing to give

so I'm done

no more fighting

I'll hide from the failure

evrything was just too great here

Who

I wanna hurt
I wanna bleed
rip this shit out
and make them see

there eyes are caught open
but no ones really looking
there sight is mislead
by the sights they are fed

I am sick and twisted
a sad and lonely thing

I am lost and broken
and the pieces too small to find

I don't exist
but why should I
I'm sick and cold
but who's surprised

maybe I should just scream
if I really want to be seen

Circus Ride

and it'll all crumble down
like a cheap circus ride

and we must go on smiling
like those silly little clowns
with there painted on grins
that hide away there sins

cause its time to go and play
at the carnival today
for the cheap rides
and mediocre thrills

the parade is today
and we'll all go out and wave
with are painted on grins
as it all crumbles down

I wonder

I wonder what I'd do if the bleeding didn't stop

would I just watch as it flows and goes with it my soul?

Would I panic and react and try and keep myself tethered to the ground?

Or would I quietly slip out of this life to the next?

I wonder I wonder..

wrote it in 06

and even with your broken soul you carry on like nothings wrong. Your smile empty your eyes cold, but no one seems to notice. Which is the biggest shame of all.

Frost

the seasons change

and the frost drifts away

I shiver though it has nothing to do with the cold

I wish the frost was still near

but I can feel the chill settling in

heavy on my heart

and achingly present all around me

I wish for the lighthearted frost

to be near me once more

but the frost is gone

and the chill settles over me

Unsure

Not really sure what's going on anymore.

Tired of games and pretenses.

I'm done playing, no more tricks.

It's just me now and thats ok.

I'm lonely but not as lonely as i was,

when I thought I had everything.

I deserve it all too spoiled to share.

I'll be strong and soldier on.

Though often I wish you were near.

I'll deal and learn to feel.

Maybe one day you'll let me be my spoiled self.

So I'm fine better then I was,

though a little worse for ware.

I can make it if I must.

because I deserve it all.

And fully willing to wait for who ever it may be.

FML

alone

I'm cold and lonely

with only myself to blame

my heart aches

and i push it down

my dreams stir it around

and i knock it down

I'm empty, hollow

not sure I care anymore

i'm broken and damaged

not sure it matters anymore

I'm smiling on the outside

but burning within

no one notices

no one's let in

I'm alone

though i suppose

you wouldn't know